I've still felt on this kick on natural cleaning supplies--both for the house and the body. The last week or two I've been washing my face with olive oil, and today was my first day trying the "no-poo" method of hair cleaning. First I had to let it get nice and greasy so I didn't wash it for 6 days. Last night when I took it out of its ponytail and it maintained the ponytail shape, I figured it was ready to go. So this morning I took my bath and mixed some baking soda with water, poured it over my head and massaged it into my roots. Rinsed, then mixed Apple Cider Vinegar with water, poured it over hair, and rinsed. It felt way different than using shampoo and conditioner. Post-shower I combed my hair and it felt pretty soft. Its still wet so we'll see how it feels when its dry.
I did, however, lose about a pound of hair during my bath. Seriously I think I could've donated the collective hairball I made to a wig company. I don't know if its normal, or just because I let my hair get so greasy, or maybe something to do with the pregnancy? Oh well.
So that covers face and hair. Anybody have a good natural recipe for body cleaning?? ;-)
Anyway I'm off to get ready. I have my first appointment with my homebirth midwife, and then a much-awaited playdate with a friend I haven't seen in nearly a year!
Tuesday, June 2
Wednesday, May 20
Gone
Yes, you've probably wondered where my blog has gone. Its been over a month since I've blogged. Sorry everyone, I didn't mean to neglect it so much.
The fact is that I've been feeling like major crap since last time I blogged. I think pretty much everyone who reads this already knows that I'm pregnant. Well, morning sickness reared its ugly head 3 or 4 weeks ago and is really knocking me down. I feel nauseated and exhausted ALL. THE. TIME. I don't remember it being quite this bad with the previous two, but maybe its just that I'm in the throws of it right now so it just seems worse. Or maybe its because I now have to take care of two small children this time while feeling so sick.
I've also had a few complications this time around. I have something called a subchorionic bleed, which is like a clot in between the uterine wall and the gestational sac. It has caused some bleeding and cramping, and I'm on instructions to rest, avoid excercise, and try not to pick up the kids (when possible). The no-excercise thing kinda stinks because I miss my yoga class and bet that it would help me feel a lot better. The good news is that the baby is doing well, and as much as I hate the morning sickness it as at least a little reassuring. I've had 3 ultrasounds already to check the bleed, and its fun to see the little jelly bean in there! If I get a chance I'll scan the pics in and post them.
As for my nutrition plan, that is definitely on hold at the moment. I'm basically in survival mode for eating right now, and I just have to go with what sounds good (even if its junk food). Unfortunately I have a habit of developing aversions to things I ate in early pregnancy, which this time around means roasted veggies, greens, and whole grains. Basically everything healthy, ha!
Anyway, all this to say that I'm going to try giving this blog a little more TLC than its been getting. That also means that from this point on I'm going to stop using Buffy titles as my blog titles (for those of you that noticed), because one of the biggest barriers to me writing recently has been that I don't have the brain energy to sit down and think of a clever title for my blog, so I end up not writing at all.
Thanks for reading--hopefully I'll write again soon!
The fact is that I've been feeling like major crap since last time I blogged. I think pretty much everyone who reads this already knows that I'm pregnant. Well, morning sickness reared its ugly head 3 or 4 weeks ago and is really knocking me down. I feel nauseated and exhausted ALL. THE. TIME. I don't remember it being quite this bad with the previous two, but maybe its just that I'm in the throws of it right now so it just seems worse. Or maybe its because I now have to take care of two small children this time while feeling so sick.
I've also had a few complications this time around. I have something called a subchorionic bleed, which is like a clot in between the uterine wall and the gestational sac. It has caused some bleeding and cramping, and I'm on instructions to rest, avoid excercise, and try not to pick up the kids (when possible). The no-excercise thing kinda stinks because I miss my yoga class and bet that it would help me feel a lot better. The good news is that the baby is doing well, and as much as I hate the morning sickness it as at least a little reassuring. I've had 3 ultrasounds already to check the bleed, and its fun to see the little jelly bean in there! If I get a chance I'll scan the pics in and post them.
As for my nutrition plan, that is definitely on hold at the moment. I'm basically in survival mode for eating right now, and I just have to go with what sounds good (even if its junk food). Unfortunately I have a habit of developing aversions to things I ate in early pregnancy, which this time around means roasted veggies, greens, and whole grains. Basically everything healthy, ha!
Anyway, all this to say that I'm going to try giving this blog a little more TLC than its been getting. That also means that from this point on I'm going to stop using Buffy titles as my blog titles (for those of you that noticed), because one of the biggest barriers to me writing recently has been that I don't have the brain energy to sit down and think of a clever title for my blog, so I end up not writing at all.
Thanks for reading--hopefully I'll write again soon!
Saturday, April 11
Goodbye Iowa
i.e. big corn i.e. processed foods
Meal 1: Beets over Beet Greens over Couscous 
Well this past couple weeks I've been putting my plan into action. I signed up for a CSA with Moore Farm & Friends and picked up my first box on Wednesday. I also signed up with My Dad & Me Farms to pick up raw milk every other week. I can't tell you how amazing it felt to hand my money straight to the farmer and have them reach in their fridge and hand me a glass jar of milk, while the cows from which the milk came were grazing in the background.
So far I've managed to cook whole foods and nutritious meals every night. This is so new to me but I've really enjoyed it! I've included some pictures of my undertakings from the past week. The only meal I didn't take a picture of was broccoli soup, but I can tell you that it just looks like green slime. Anyway, here we go:
Meal 1: Beets over Beet Greens over Couscous
Meal 2: Broccoli Soup (no pic)
Meal 3: Orzo with Black Beans, Red Peppers, and Avocados in a dressing of Olive Oil, Cumin, Lime Juice, and Garlic.
Meal 4: Vegetable Curry (potatoes, broccoli, carrots, and onions) over Couscous
Meal 5: Fresh Salad with Butter Lettuce, Blackjack Tomatoes, Avocado, and Tilapia in a homemade Red Wine Vinaigrette
And here is picture of my first CSA box! It contained lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, carrots, and strawberries.
Happy healthy eating everyone!!
Thursday, April 2
The Harvest
I just got back from an amazing trip to California to visit my sister Amy. It was beyond beautiful out there--sunny, hilly, green. Completely breathtaking. Amy lives in a little A-frame wooden house surrounded by rolling hills and flowers and trees and blue sky. I felt like I was at some spa retreat that you'd pay thousands of dollars to go to. Only better because the host was so awesome.
Anyway the theme of the week was healthy eating. Amy participates in Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) and receives a box of locally grown organic vegetables every week. She then plans her meals around what she gets in the box. Add some whole grains and garlic and a cup of fresh-squeezed O.J. or raw milk to drink and booyah--heavenly meal. Every single thing I ate there was so delicious and felt so good to my body. Oh and the wine. Must include some good wine, hopefully from the organic vineyard you visited earlier that day.
Now that I am back I am full of enthusiasm and motivation. I want to eat this way. I want my family to eat this way. I want to feel good about my food and be able to pronounce and recognize every ingredient that goes into it. I want food to do more than just fill me up, I want it to nourish me.
So I'm letting my enthusiasm carry me as far as I can. I'm joining my own local CSA and attempting to follow the same simple meal-plan as we did in CA. In the meantime I made it a priority to use my first day home to visit the Dekalb farmer's market to pick up new vegetables, grains, and spices. Last night I prepared roasted root veggies and roasted garlic with homemade "mac-n-cheese" (really just pasta with butter and cheese). Tonight I'm making beets and beet greens over couscous.
It doesn't come very naturally to me to be creative in the kitchen or come up with meals, or to cook even (Jamie has done the majority), so this is daunting. But I am so so ready for a nutrition overhaul. I'm hoping my eagerness for healthier living will help the transition into forming a habit of this. I'm counting on my sisters and mother to hold me accountable. You too Jamie!
Oh! And in other news my little vampire-child (who accompanied me to CA) started walking at Aunt Amy's house. Everybody cover your knees!
Anyway the theme of the week was healthy eating. Amy participates in Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) and receives a box of locally grown organic vegetables every week. She then plans her meals around what she gets in the box. Add some whole grains and garlic and a cup of fresh-squeezed O.J. or raw milk to drink and booyah--heavenly meal. Every single thing I ate there was so delicious and felt so good to my body. Oh and the wine. Must include some good wine, hopefully from the organic vineyard you visited earlier that day.
Now that I am back I am full of enthusiasm and motivation. I want to eat this way. I want my family to eat this way. I want to feel good about my food and be able to pronounce and recognize every ingredient that goes into it. I want food to do more than just fill me up, I want it to nourish me.
So I'm letting my enthusiasm carry me as far as I can. I'm joining my own local CSA and attempting to follow the same simple meal-plan as we did in CA. In the meantime I made it a priority to use my first day home to visit the Dekalb farmer's market to pick up new vegetables, grains, and spices. Last night I prepared roasted root veggies and roasted garlic with homemade "mac-n-cheese" (really just pasta with butter and cheese). Tonight I'm making beets and beet greens over couscous.
It doesn't come very naturally to me to be creative in the kitchen or come up with meals, or to cook even (Jamie has done the majority), so this is daunting. But I am so so ready for a nutrition overhaul. I'm hoping my eagerness for healthier living will help the transition into forming a habit of this. I'm counting on my sisters and mother to hold me accountable. You too Jamie!
Oh! And in other news my little vampire-child (who accompanied me to CA) started walking at Aunt Amy's house. Everybody cover your knees!
Tuesday, March 24
Who Are You?
Sometimes I think my (small) obsession with vampires is rubbing off on my children. I'm starting to suspect that Juliet is really a vampire. Here are my reasons:
1. She doesn't sleep at night. Maybe this is because that is the natural time for her to be out and about. Here this whole time I've been trying to get her to sleep all night like a normal girl when maybe she isn't "normal".
2. She doesn't grow. I thought it was just me not being able to get past thinking of her as an 8-month-old, but not so. I just took her to her one year visit yesterday and she pretty much hasn't grown. She's just under the 5th percentile for height and the 10th for weight. You'd never know with all those rolls that she's actually a total shrimp! She hides her petiteness well.
3. (and this is the most convincing) The girl likes to bite. She will try to bite me repeatedly on the arm, leg, wherever she can reach, and cries or screams when I say no. But this is nothing, NOTHING, compared to how enthusiastically she tries to bite other babies' heads. She will claw and kick her way to them in her frenzy to reach their little heads, and fight and shriek when I hold her back. Really its quite disturbing (and hilarious).
Where does this come from? Did I read too much Twilight and watch too much Buffy while she was in utero? Is it because she shares her name with the actress who plays Drusilla? Is it because she was welcomed into the world under the soothing tones of Spike's Ballad (sung by my awesome sister)? Or are my suspicions true and she's been changed? Maybe she's a half-vampire like Renesmee (only with an infinately better name).
Hmm, this post kind of paints me in a crazy light doesn't it?
1. She doesn't sleep at night. Maybe this is because that is the natural time for her to be out and about. Here this whole time I've been trying to get her to sleep all night like a normal girl when maybe she isn't "normal".
2. She doesn't grow. I thought it was just me not being able to get past thinking of her as an 8-month-old, but not so. I just took her to her one year visit yesterday and she pretty much hasn't grown. She's just under the 5th percentile for height and the 10th for weight. You'd never know with all those rolls that she's actually a total shrimp! She hides her petiteness well.
3. (and this is the most convincing) The girl likes to bite. She will try to bite me repeatedly on the arm, leg, wherever she can reach, and cries or screams when I say no. But this is nothing, NOTHING, compared to how enthusiastically she tries to bite other babies' heads. She will claw and kick her way to them in her frenzy to reach their little heads, and fight and shriek when I hold her back. Really its quite disturbing (and hilarious).
Where does this come from? Did I read too much Twilight and watch too much Buffy while she was in utero? Is it because she shares her name with the actress who plays Drusilla? Is it because she was welcomed into the world under the soothing tones of Spike's Ballad (sung by my awesome sister)? Or are my suspicions true and she's been changed? Maybe she's a half-vampire like Renesmee (only with an infinately better name).
Hmm, this post kind of paints me in a crazy light doesn't it?
Monday, March 16
This Year's Girl
My baby girl is one year old today. I can't believe it! She seems so much younger to me. I don't know if its because she is short for her age, or that she still nurses so much and wakes up throughout the night, or if its just that she's my baby, but I just cannot get my head around the fact that she is already a year old.
And here she is celebrating her first birthday!
Exactly one year ago I was having my incredible, intense, crazy waterbirth. Its strange how labor can hurt so very much, and yet I still feel nostalgic for the experience. I guess its sort of like running a marathon or climbing a mountain or something, where it feels like hell while you are doing it but afterwords you feel the most amazing sense of accomplishment (plust you get a baby out of it!). I still sometimes watch the birth video and think to myself, "I can't believe I did that!". I've witnessed many a birth and done it twice myself, but it still amazes me that we can actually grow a person inside our bodies, and even more amazingly can push them out. How is that even possible??
Anyway I digress. Juliet is no longer my little newborn, she's my babbling, standing, smiling, bouncing, peek-a-boo playing, clapping, waving, banana eating, cuddling, loving one-year-old little girl. And that, my friends, is just five-by-five.
Here she is just seconds after being born
And here she is celebrating her first birthday!
Friday, March 6
Living Conditions
We're moving again! See, we're not very clean people. We tidy a little here and there, but every once in a while the mess builds up so much that its actually easier just to move houses than attempt to clean.
Ok so thats not true, but it is true we are moving! We renewed our lease in December, but I've been feeling quite cramped in our two bedroom apartment. Not that its a small place, but having the girls share a room at this age is HARD. Juliet already wakes up several times a night, so when Lydia wakes her up even more it is pretty infuriating. So yesterday I was sitting there in frustration when I realized, hmm, maybe we can do something about this. I talked to one of the managers and found out that there was a 3 bedroom apartment available here for only $35 more a month than we're paying! Woo hoo! Today we went and filled out the transfer paperwork and toured our new place. I love it! Apart from another bedroom, it also has a nice big laundry room and, best of all, a back door to our own little patch of grass. Yay! Otherwise the apartment is pretty much the same (except its a mirror image, which made me a bit dizzy).
We'll be moving the last Saturday of March. Or more precisely Jamie will be moving, as I will be in California. I did not plan it that way, but that is when we must move. Poor guy--I've been unable to help in our last 3 moves. If anyone is interested in helping (or volunteering their husbands to help) my sweet husband move us a couple hundred yards away, I'd be eternally grateful! Or if you just want to donate a box or two.
And for those who need to keep track of our new address (hard to do since this is our 4th address in 3 years) we will now be 3052A instead of 3046D. Everything else is the same.
I'm so excited!
Monday, March 2
Teacher's Pet
Not a giant Praying Mantis, but a small Cockatiel. Meet Ron.
Lydia and Juliet just LOVE him. I find him amusing. He's very friendly and we can get him out and hold him and pet him. When he wants to be let out he hops to the bottom of his cage and paces back and forth really fast. And he likes to groom our hair when he's up on our shoulders.
Come meet him!
Wednesday, February 25
I Was Made to Love You
I went to my yoga class today. I love yoga. I love twisting my body into poses that I never thought I could do. I love how I only think about what my body is doing for an hour and a half, and forget about kids, housework, lifetime drama, and all that. I love that delicious soreness I get later after I've excercised. And I think most of all I love that peaceful feeling I always get during and after I go, like my body and soul have been restored a little bit.
I'm all about restoration recently. Restoring my body (and specifically my health) with vitamins, medicine, rest, good food. Restoring my house to less of a disaster-area like state (little by very little). And definitely restoring my mind and soul. One imperfection about me is that I worry. A lot. When I am worrying, I feel like I have a lot to worry about. But sometimes, in moments of peace, I realize that I really don't need to worry about all that stuff after all. I spoke with a wise friend a little while ago who gave me two wonderful pieces of advice. The first was that in every situation, in everything that happens, I should just say "Wow, God. I can't wait to see how you use this to your glory!" I've been trying it out since then, and yep, it can pretty much work for anything. Its my mantra right now. Sometimes it comes out pretty sarcastically, and sometimes with a little more colorful language added, but after saying it, even if I'm saying as a joke, it has the effect of making me really think to myself that yes, some good could come out of this.
The other piece of advice was that in dealing with other people and their own life problems, drama, etc, that I should always think and act through love, not fear. This is such an amazing statement, and one that I would love to use in every relationship and situation I have. To remember that I am not in charge of other peoples' lives or happiness. What a burden lifted off! Can I really just love them, and not fear for whats gonna happen? What good does it do anyway to fear? Does it make us act any wiser? Does it help them? I doubt it. And I'm pretty sure that if you act purely out of love, you are unlikely to make a mess of things. God tells us above all to love. He made us to love Him and each other. On the other hand, I can't think of anywhere in the bible where it encourages us to fear and lose sleep over other people's problems.
I have a long way to go to make these things habits rather than goals, but so far even just having these things to strive for has made me feel more joy and peace in my life.
I'm all about restoration recently. Restoring my body (and specifically my health) with vitamins, medicine, rest, good food. Restoring my house to less of a disaster-area like state (little by very little). And definitely restoring my mind and soul. One imperfection about me is that I worry. A lot. When I am worrying, I feel like I have a lot to worry about. But sometimes, in moments of peace, I realize that I really don't need to worry about all that stuff after all. I spoke with a wise friend a little while ago who gave me two wonderful pieces of advice. The first was that in every situation, in everything that happens, I should just say "Wow, God. I can't wait to see how you use this to your glory!" I've been trying it out since then, and yep, it can pretty much work for anything. Its my mantra right now. Sometimes it comes out pretty sarcastically, and sometimes with a little more colorful language added, but after saying it, even if I'm saying as a joke, it has the effect of making me really think to myself that yes, some good could come out of this.
The other piece of advice was that in dealing with other people and their own life problems, drama, etc, that I should always think and act through love, not fear. This is such an amazing statement, and one that I would love to use in every relationship and situation I have. To remember that I am not in charge of other peoples' lives or happiness. What a burden lifted off! Can I really just love them, and not fear for whats gonna happen? What good does it do anyway to fear? Does it make us act any wiser? Does it help them? I doubt it. And I'm pretty sure that if you act purely out of love, you are unlikely to make a mess of things. God tells us above all to love. He made us to love Him and each other. On the other hand, I can't think of anywhere in the bible where it encourages us to fear and lose sleep over other people's problems.
I have a long way to go to make these things habits rather than goals, but so far even just having these things to strive for has made me feel more joy and peace in my life.
Saturday, February 21
Wild at Heart
We are finally feeling better in the Nasmyth house! To celebrate, I went out last night to a friends birthday party and got my groove on. We had a time, I tell you. A time was had by all. You'd never have believed the bulk of the attendees were from my church mom's group. No flowered dresses and mild manners last night, no sir! We've got some sexy mamas in our group! We all danced our hearts out to a mixture of Nellie, Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, some classic 80's music, and other stuff I can't really remember. I haven't danced that hard in years. We also laughed, ate, drank, shared, and limboed. Nobody turned into a werewolf but it was still wild! It felt soooo good to just kick back, let go, and have fun with close friends! Especially after my seemingly endless confinement.
Today I'm a bit sleepy but very happy with my re-introduction into society. I love my friends!!! I also strongly recommend having dance parties like that monthly. Its good for the soul. And the body--dancing is an awesome workout!
Today I'm a bit sleepy but very happy with my re-introduction into society. I love my friends!!! I also strongly recommend having dance parties like that monthly. Its good for the soul. And the body--dancing is an awesome workout!
Tuesday, February 17
Welcome to the Hellmouth
By which I mean our house.
We are all STILL sick. Or sick again. Not sure which. We had a break of about two days (Thursday and Friday) before the fevers, coughing, and general feeling like crap started again. We are heading back to the doctor today to see see whats going on. Flu? Maybe.
Thankfully Jamie is still well so he's taking care of his girls. Thank you Jamie--you are much appreciated!
If you pray, please pray that God slays this season of sickness for us.
If you don't pray, please feel sorry for us.
Ok, off to bed in la boca del diablo.
We are all STILL sick. Or sick again. Not sure which. We had a break of about two days (Thursday and Friday) before the fevers, coughing, and general feeling like crap started again. We are heading back to the doctor today to see see whats going on. Flu? Maybe.
Thankfully Jamie is still well so he's taking care of his girls. Thank you Jamie--you are much appreciated!
If you pray, please pray that God slays this season of sickness for us.
If you don't pray, please feel sorry for us.
Ok, off to bed in la boca del diablo.
Sunday, February 8
Life Serial
(warning: long post) (but hopefully entertaining)
Ever have a bad day that just would not end? It just keeps going and going and going?
That was yesterday.
Yesterday started on Thursday.
I've been feeling really tired and rundown recently, partly because Juliet is still a pretty bad sleeper. Anyway Thursday it was exacerbated by the fact that I had a cold. And Jamie had a cold. And Lydia and Juliet had colds. And Juliet had pink eye. So Thursday morning I wake up super tired and feeling sick. Can't go anywhere. Just having an all-over bad day with cranky kids and cranky mommy. I was REALLY looking forward to my nap. When it didn't happen I called Jamie in my despair and he decided to come home (he wasn't feeling well either). I sigh in relief when he gets home until it becomes clear that he is sicker than I am and needs to go to bed. Great. (I know its not your fault Jamie--I don't hold it against you). And then it becomes clear that he is VERY sick and about to present physical evidence of it. So I pack up my kids and rush them out the door to go stay with my parents. Sorry Jamie, you can take care of yourself right? I get to my parent's house and have a fairly quiet evening, although worried about Jamie since hearing he's puked twice and feels vile. I decide to spend the night at my parents. For the kids, you know--don't want to pass daddy's germs around... Ahem. Anyway I go to bed hoping for a fresh start in the morning, only to discover that the day has decided to keep going--I barely slept. Juliet didn't feel like sleeping, and when she did and I crawled into the bed I was sharing with Lydia, I quickly found out that 2-year-olds make very fidgety bed mates.
I woke up at 5 for the day. Jamie still felt horrible and was going to a minute clinic for a strep test, which they didn't do because they didn't think his throat looked streppy enough. I decided to stay at my parents all day and then go home after dinner. Made it through the day tolerably, although still feeling a little coldy and discovering that Lydia had caught Juliet's pink eye. Halfway through the day my client calls to tell me she's been having contractions all day and thinks its early labor. Uh oh. Not tonight, please not tonight. Can you cross your legs? (Of course I didn't really say any of that). I get home that evening feeling dead tired and depressed, and send out a cry for prayer and sympathy to my mom's group. As I'm writing that email about feeling so tired, I get another call from my client. Contractions 5 minutes apart. Will try to go to bed. I decide I'd better try to go to bed (or couch since Jamie had the bed) too and get as much sleep as I can before I get the call. Juliet has other ideas and decides to start crying literally the MINUTE I turn out my light at 10pm. I spend the next hour feeding, pleading, ignoring, crying, and raging. Finally she goes down sometime after 11 and I fall asleep, only to be woken up at 12:45 with The Call.
I get to my client's house at around 1:30. Contractions 3-4 minutes apart. She can't talk through them but she's handling them well. We keep the lights low, use the birth ball. She takes a shower and I watch real-life animal attacks (ick) with her husband. She gets out of the shower and we work some more. Talk about the plan. What to expect. She says she can't imagine the pain getting worse than this. Oh, sweetie. You have no idea. I try to prepare her without scaring her. You will measure it on a different scale at the end. But you are strong and capable.
The contractions get closer together. She loses a big fat bloody mucous plug (sorry to any men reading this). We decide to go to the hospital. She decides to ride with me. I embarrassingly realize my gas light is on and have to stop for gas on the way to the hospital. We get there at 5am and she's 5cm. Good job! You'll be out of here in no time with the frequency of these contractions...
Three hours later she is 6cm. Four hours later she is 6-7cm. Somewhere in between these checks I hit my wall. I am SO exhausted. I take a pumping break and cry and call friends for moral support.
When they check her at 12:30 and she hasn't changed, the doc breaks her water. Ok. NOW things will move quickly!! My client discovers that new scale of pain I told her about. She discovers it for three hours straight. The doctor checks her again. She is 7. Are you kidding me??? We talk about it and decide to go for the epidural. She is too exhausted and in pain to keep going and expect progress. She is too tense, her body needs to relax. With an epi. And pit to speed things up. Not the birth plan, but the best option at this point. Its now 4pm. I escape again for more pumping and crying. I go get food for the first time all day. My cold feels worse and worse. My voice is shot. I am so tired I actually think I might pass out. And did I mention that it turns out Jamie DOES have strep throat. Great. There is a pity-party in town and I'm hosting!!! I call a wise friend. She tells me that God often stretches us a thin as we can be (much like a cervix) so that a new, stronger us can emerge from the cosmic vagina. Ok, I added that last part. She said I will find energy and strength beyond what I know I have. I am being prayed for.
She must have been right because somehow I managed to stay alive and conscious. The details get a little hazy though as I'm quite certain my mind was working on some back-up generator that only allowed me to perform functions essential to the moment. Lets just say progress continued at a snails pace (much like this blog post, you might say).
At about 9pm my client and her husband must've noticed the significant deterioration of my mental and physical state, because they told me I should go home. She didn't really need me so much now that she had her epi. She was at 9cm and the doctor was gonna check her soon, so we decided I'd wait and see what he said. If she was complete I'd stay for the pushing, if she wasn't I'd leave. Doc comes in. She is about complete, but with a lip. Just a little more time on your side to stretch out that lip. I'll check you again at 10:15. So I think about staying, but decide not to even though I'll be missing the magical finale. First time mom--pushing usually takes an hour, sometimes more. I wouldn't be leaving until after 11, and that's IF she's complete next time she is checked. I leave. I call people the whole way home to keep myself from falling asleep. I go to my mom's house, since she has the kids. I get there and just sob. Tears of relief and release. I made it. I am alive. I can go to sleep now. This day might finally end. What day is it anyhow?
So here I am now. After a pretty good nights sleep, a VERY helpful mother, and a shower, I am feeling almost human again. Jamie isn't contagious anymore and is feeling a little better. And that van with the Death Star painted on its side isn't following me anymore. It is over.
Oh yes, the clincher. I talked to my client's husband the next day, and it turns out she was complete when the doc checked her, and pushed the baby out in 5 minutes. She was probably giving birth as I pulled into my mother's driveway. Sigh.
Ever have a bad day that just would not end? It just keeps going and going and going?
That was yesterday.
Yesterday started on Thursday.
I've been feeling really tired and rundown recently, partly because Juliet is still a pretty bad sleeper. Anyway Thursday it was exacerbated by the fact that I had a cold. And Jamie had a cold. And Lydia and Juliet had colds. And Juliet had pink eye. So Thursday morning I wake up super tired and feeling sick. Can't go anywhere. Just having an all-over bad day with cranky kids and cranky mommy. I was REALLY looking forward to my nap. When it didn't happen I called Jamie in my despair and he decided to come home (he wasn't feeling well either). I sigh in relief when he gets home until it becomes clear that he is sicker than I am and needs to go to bed. Great. (I know its not your fault Jamie--I don't hold it against you). And then it becomes clear that he is VERY sick and about to present physical evidence of it. So I pack up my kids and rush them out the door to go stay with my parents. Sorry Jamie, you can take care of yourself right? I get to my parent's house and have a fairly quiet evening, although worried about Jamie since hearing he's puked twice and feels vile. I decide to spend the night at my parents. For the kids, you know--don't want to pass daddy's germs around... Ahem. Anyway I go to bed hoping for a fresh start in the morning, only to discover that the day has decided to keep going--I barely slept. Juliet didn't feel like sleeping, and when she did and I crawled into the bed I was sharing with Lydia, I quickly found out that 2-year-olds make very fidgety bed mates.
I woke up at 5 for the day. Jamie still felt horrible and was going to a minute clinic for a strep test, which they didn't do because they didn't think his throat looked streppy enough. I decided to stay at my parents all day and then go home after dinner. Made it through the day tolerably, although still feeling a little coldy and discovering that Lydia had caught Juliet's pink eye. Halfway through the day my client calls to tell me she's been having contractions all day and thinks its early labor. Uh oh. Not tonight, please not tonight. Can you cross your legs? (Of course I didn't really say any of that). I get home that evening feeling dead tired and depressed, and send out a cry for prayer and sympathy to my mom's group. As I'm writing that email about feeling so tired, I get another call from my client. Contractions 5 minutes apart. Will try to go to bed. I decide I'd better try to go to bed (or couch since Jamie had the bed) too and get as much sleep as I can before I get the call. Juliet has other ideas and decides to start crying literally the MINUTE I turn out my light at 10pm. I spend the next hour feeding, pleading, ignoring, crying, and raging. Finally she goes down sometime after 11 and I fall asleep, only to be woken up at 12:45 with The Call.
I get to my client's house at around 1:30. Contractions 3-4 minutes apart. She can't talk through them but she's handling them well. We keep the lights low, use the birth ball. She takes a shower and I watch real-life animal attacks (ick) with her husband. She gets out of the shower and we work some more. Talk about the plan. What to expect. She says she can't imagine the pain getting worse than this. Oh, sweetie. You have no idea. I try to prepare her without scaring her. You will measure it on a different scale at the end. But you are strong and capable.
The contractions get closer together. She loses a big fat bloody mucous plug (sorry to any men reading this). We decide to go to the hospital. She decides to ride with me. I embarrassingly realize my gas light is on and have to stop for gas on the way to the hospital. We get there at 5am and she's 5cm. Good job! You'll be out of here in no time with the frequency of these contractions...
Three hours later she is 6cm. Four hours later she is 6-7cm. Somewhere in between these checks I hit my wall. I am SO exhausted. I take a pumping break and cry and call friends for moral support.
When they check her at 12:30 and she hasn't changed, the doc breaks her water. Ok. NOW things will move quickly!! My client discovers that new scale of pain I told her about. She discovers it for three hours straight. The doctor checks her again. She is 7. Are you kidding me??? We talk about it and decide to go for the epidural. She is too exhausted and in pain to keep going and expect progress. She is too tense, her body needs to relax. With an epi. And pit to speed things up. Not the birth plan, but the best option at this point. Its now 4pm. I escape again for more pumping and crying. I go get food for the first time all day. My cold feels worse and worse. My voice is shot. I am so tired I actually think I might pass out. And did I mention that it turns out Jamie DOES have strep throat. Great. There is a pity-party in town and I'm hosting!!! I call a wise friend. She tells me that God often stretches us a thin as we can be (much like a cervix) so that a new, stronger us can emerge from the cosmic vagina. Ok, I added that last part. She said I will find energy and strength beyond what I know I have. I am being prayed for.
She must have been right because somehow I managed to stay alive and conscious. The details get a little hazy though as I'm quite certain my mind was working on some back-up generator that only allowed me to perform functions essential to the moment. Lets just say progress continued at a snails pace (much like this blog post, you might say).
At about 9pm my client and her husband must've noticed the significant deterioration of my mental and physical state, because they told me I should go home. She didn't really need me so much now that she had her epi. She was at 9cm and the doctor was gonna check her soon, so we decided I'd wait and see what he said. If she was complete I'd stay for the pushing, if she wasn't I'd leave. Doc comes in. She is about complete, but with a lip. Just a little more time on your side to stretch out that lip. I'll check you again at 10:15. So I think about staying, but decide not to even though I'll be missing the magical finale. First time mom--pushing usually takes an hour, sometimes more. I wouldn't be leaving until after 11, and that's IF she's complete next time she is checked. I leave. I call people the whole way home to keep myself from falling asleep. I go to my mom's house, since she has the kids. I get there and just sob. Tears of relief and release. I made it. I am alive. I can go to sleep now. This day might finally end. What day is it anyhow?
So here I am now. After a pretty good nights sleep, a VERY helpful mother, and a shower, I am feeling almost human again. Jamie isn't contagious anymore and is feeling a little better. And that van with the Death Star painted on its side isn't following me anymore. It is over.
Oh yes, the clincher. I talked to my client's husband the next day, and it turns out she was complete when the doc checked her, and pushed the baby out in 5 minutes. She was probably giving birth as I pulled into my mother's driveway. Sigh.
Friday, January 30
Lies My Parents Told Me
One Christmas when we were little girls, my parents gave us each our own Cabbage Patch Kid. This is when they were all the rage and our family didn't have much money. It was a huge treat. Amy had Molly, Jenny had Denny, and I had Coleen. They had pretty dresses and we each got a little basket to lay them in. We loved our baby girls throughout our whole childhoods. Several years later, when Amy was married, Jenny was in college, and I was in high school, it was revealed to us by our parents that these sweet girl Cabbage Patch Kids we'd lovingly raised all our loves were, in fact, boys. That was all our parents could get at the time, but they wanted us to have girl dollies, so they threw out the boy clothes and got girl clothes and doctored the birth certificates. Molly was actually Olly, my Coleen was actually Cole, and Denny... well that was the same (although as an interesting side effect we all grew up thinking Denny was a girls name and would think it funny if we met a guy with the name). We were outraged! Our parents had been lying to us for years! What a deception. I would certainly NEVER do that to my kids!!
Fast forward another decade and I have my own little girls. Lydia is now 2.5 years old. She's used a pacifier all her life and although we've tried to take it away a few times, we've never been successful (after like an hour of crying at nighttime I'd finally give in and give her the paci). Anyway she had her first dentist appointment on Wednesday where the dentist told me that there was an indentation on the back of her teeth from the paci. The good news is that it corrects itself as soon as the paci is no longer in use. The dentist told me that she sometimes helps kids by asking them to give their pacies away and that there is a lot to the symbolic act of them actually giving the paci away. I asked her to give it a shot so she spoke to Lydia and said "you know what Lydia? I have a lot of little babies that are very sad. They need pacies. Do you think you could give them your pacies so they can be happy?" Lydia: "yeah. And then I'll get new ones?" Dentist: "No, because you're such a big girl and don't need a paci anymore." Lydia: "yeah, cause I'm a big girl!"
So that afternoon we get home and I ask Lydia if she wants to collect her pacies and give them to the dentist to give to her babies. I ask if she wants to give them straight to the dentist or mail them. She gets very excited about mailing them. I got out a ziplock bag and gave it to her, and we went around finding all her pacies. Then we drove to the post office, stood in line, and when it was our turn went up to the desk. I held Lydia up and told the Postal Worker that we wanted to mail the pacies to the little babies. Lydia: "because they are sad". Postal Worker: "Oh they will be so happy! How nice of you!". Then the lady placed them behind the counter. I explained to Lydia that the lady would put the pacies in the dentist's mail box, where the dentist would pick them up and hand them out to the little babies and they wouldn't be sad anymore. Later Jamie took her out to buy her a stuffed animal that she could cuddle at night when she missed her paci. That night Lydia went to bed without any fuss. Same with last night and tonight. Mission accomplished.
All we had to do was elaborately deceive our two year old daughter. Oh the lies, the lies! When will they end?
Fast forward another decade and I have my own little girls. Lydia is now 2.5 years old. She's used a pacifier all her life and although we've tried to take it away a few times, we've never been successful (after like an hour of crying at nighttime I'd finally give in and give her the paci). Anyway she had her first dentist appointment on Wednesday where the dentist told me that there was an indentation on the back of her teeth from the paci. The good news is that it corrects itself as soon as the paci is no longer in use. The dentist told me that she sometimes helps kids by asking them to give their pacies away and that there is a lot to the symbolic act of them actually giving the paci away. I asked her to give it a shot so she spoke to Lydia and said "you know what Lydia? I have a lot of little babies that are very sad. They need pacies. Do you think you could give them your pacies so they can be happy?" Lydia: "yeah. And then I'll get new ones?" Dentist: "No, because you're such a big girl and don't need a paci anymore." Lydia: "yeah, cause I'm a big girl!"
So that afternoon we get home and I ask Lydia if she wants to collect her pacies and give them to the dentist to give to her babies. I ask if she wants to give them straight to the dentist or mail them. She gets very excited about mailing them. I got out a ziplock bag and gave it to her, and we went around finding all her pacies. Then we drove to the post office, stood in line, and when it was our turn went up to the desk. I held Lydia up and told the Postal Worker that we wanted to mail the pacies to the little babies. Lydia: "because they are sad". Postal Worker: "Oh they will be so happy! How nice of you!". Then the lady placed them behind the counter. I explained to Lydia that the lady would put the pacies in the dentist's mail box, where the dentist would pick them up and hand them out to the little babies and they wouldn't be sad anymore. Later Jamie took her out to buy her a stuffed animal that she could cuddle at night when she missed her paci. That night Lydia went to bed without any fuss. Same with last night and tonight. Mission accomplished.
All we had to do was elaborately deceive our two year old daughter. Oh the lies, the lies! When will they end?
Becoming, part 2
Jenny thought I should save this title for Obama's re-election in four years, which I admit is a good idea. But I decided to use it now anyway for a different purpose. Anyway I may have gone through all the titles by then and be on round two (or move on to a different show to steal my titles from).
Anyway, this time I refer to "Becoming" as becoming a homebirth midwife's intern. I started about two weeks ago I guess. Its pretty cool, she lets me take blood pressure and palpate the belly, and listen to the heartbeat with a fetascope. She's also paying for me to take a neonatal resuscitation and adult CPR course, which are never bad skills to have. Anyway I've been attending a few prenatals with her to see how this works out. I'll be attending births with her as well in February. Basically right now I'm trying to figure out if this is actually doable with having two little kids. So far it has been, but its also stressful. Finding childcare is a constant worry,even though its just for Lydia since I've been taking Juliet with me. I've also just never felt this busy. Even though its exciting, I have a new appreciation for the fact that I have the luxury of staying home with my kids rather than having to get a job. We'll see how it goes after I start doing births--whether it seems like too much or not.
I think the being busy also has to do with us joining the YMCA a few months ago. I LOVE going! It feels so good to get regular exercise. When I first went I was totally intimidated, especially about weight lifting. But now I have a plan, and actually really enjoy the weightlifting. I also go to a Yoga class when I can, which is always great. Today I got to go, and it was so neat to see how much further I could stretch a pose than the last time I went. I would really like to make this an integral part of my life--something I always do, not just for a few month and then quit. I did a lot of different sports in highschool, and then after graduation I pretty much stopped. Everything. I'd forgotten how good it feels to be active! (and by active I don't mean chasing after a baby all day long making sure she doesn't choke on whatever crap she just put in her mouth). And I'm hoping that this regular exercise might help inspire me to adjust my eating habits. Right now I eat sugar and fat like they are going out of style, and miraculously I am not paying for it yet. But I know this will not always be the case so I'd love to change those habits before I find myself as fat as the demon Balthazar...
Anyway, this time I refer to "Becoming" as becoming a homebirth midwife's intern. I started about two weeks ago I guess. Its pretty cool, she lets me take blood pressure and palpate the belly, and listen to the heartbeat with a fetascope. She's also paying for me to take a neonatal resuscitation and adult CPR course, which are never bad skills to have. Anyway I've been attending a few prenatals with her to see how this works out. I'll be attending births with her as well in February. Basically right now I'm trying to figure out if this is actually doable with having two little kids. So far it has been, but its also stressful. Finding childcare is a constant worry,even though its just for Lydia since I've been taking Juliet with me. I've also just never felt this busy. Even though its exciting, I have a new appreciation for the fact that I have the luxury of staying home with my kids rather than having to get a job. We'll see how it goes after I start doing births--whether it seems like too much or not.
I think the being busy also has to do with us joining the YMCA a few months ago. I LOVE going! It feels so good to get regular exercise. When I first went I was totally intimidated, especially about weight lifting. But now I have a plan, and actually really enjoy the weightlifting. I also go to a Yoga class when I can, which is always great. Today I got to go, and it was so neat to see how much further I could stretch a pose than the last time I went. I would really like to make this an integral part of my life--something I always do, not just for a few month and then quit. I did a lot of different sports in highschool, and then after graduation I pretty much stopped. Everything. I'd forgotten how good it feels to be active! (and by active I don't mean chasing after a baby all day long making sure she doesn't choke on whatever crap she just put in her mouth). And I'm hoping that this regular exercise might help inspire me to adjust my eating habits. Right now I eat sugar and fat like they are going out of style, and miraculously I am not paying for it yet. But I know this will not always be the case so I'd love to change those habits before I find myself as fat as the demon Balthazar...
Tuesday, January 20
Becoming, part 1
Today I am soaring. Because we the American people just inaugurated the first black president of the United States. And because now Barack Hussein Obama is my president.
It is only in the past year or two that I have begun to be interested in politics. It started with the West Wing. After seven seasons of caring deeply what happened to the fate of the country and politicians in a TV show, it occurred to me that these same topics are being debated and decided in my real, true life. Um, why would I care so much about Leo McGarry and C.J. Cregg and not even know the name of the real Chief of Staff and Press Secretary? Why was I so mad if a law didn't pass the Senate in the show, when I barely know what legislation is ever introduced in the real Senate? Well, thats changed. And I managed to discover this just in time for the most monumentous election in my lifetime. It has been so exciting, so inspiring. During the campaign I would engage in heated political debates with my fellow cloth-diapering mamas (you have no idea how opinionated we can be!). I sought to learn as much about the candidates and issues as I could. I proudly donned my "Obama Mama" shirt at every opportunity. I've written to congressmen about issues I care about. I've called people to get out the vote. And I VOTED. For the first time. And I am honored that the first vote I ever cast was for this man. I do not think he is the Messiah, or Superman, but he gives me Hope. He inspires me. And I believe he is what we need.
So now, after watching Barack Obama become the 44th President of the United States, I am so grateful that I was "awake" to experience this. I will never, ever forget it. And I look forward to the coming years, because I do believe that things can change for the better.
It is only in the past year or two that I have begun to be interested in politics. It started with the West Wing. After seven seasons of caring deeply what happened to the fate of the country and politicians in a TV show, it occurred to me that these same topics are being debated and decided in my real, true life. Um, why would I care so much about Leo McGarry and C.J. Cregg and not even know the name of the real Chief of Staff and Press Secretary? Why was I so mad if a law didn't pass the Senate in the show, when I barely know what legislation is ever introduced in the real Senate? Well, thats changed. And I managed to discover this just in time for the most monumentous election in my lifetime. It has been so exciting, so inspiring. During the campaign I would engage in heated political debates with my fellow cloth-diapering mamas (you have no idea how opinionated we can be!). I sought to learn as much about the candidates and issues as I could. I proudly donned my "Obama Mama" shirt at every opportunity. I've written to congressmen about issues I care about. I've called people to get out the vote. And I VOTED. For the first time. And I am honored that the first vote I ever cast was for this man. I do not think he is the Messiah, or Superman, but he gives me Hope. He inspires me. And I believe he is what we need.
So now, after watching Barack Obama become the 44th President of the United States, I am so grateful that I was "awake" to experience this. I will never, ever forget it. And I look forward to the coming years, because I do believe that things can change for the better.
Thursday, January 8
Normal Again
The holiday season is over. Our Christmas tree is boxed up (it was fake), the Christmas cookies are all eaten (they were yummy), "Christmas-Father" has left the mall (Lydia's name for Santa), and 104.7 The Fish is back to simply being safe for the whole family, rather than putting Christ back in Christmas (which they actually didn't say so much this year. Maybe they finally realized that Winter Wonderland and Santa Clause is Coming to Town, while being sung by Christians, still has nothing to do with Christ). Most importantly, I do not have to worry about hearing Christmas Shoes again for another 11 months. Seriously that song makes me want to carve out my ears. My sadistic sister enjoyed my pain and would purposely call me up if it played on her radio so that I would get it in my head. I desperately took to singing Its a Small World After All defensively when in danger of hearing Christmas Shoes. Revolting but effective.
Anyway everything is back to normal here, with the addition of new toys for all. I'm loving my Rock Band World Tour. Jamie loves his wireless internet. Lydia loves her princess castle and Big Wheel. Juliet...well she's got a lot of new things to suck on. Surely those other toys were losing some of their flavor. Of course her favorite things to chew on are the things she's not supposed to...plastic bags, Lydia's princess castle, other babies, etc...
All in all, good holiday, but also good to be back to our normal routine of playgroups, YMCA, library, and saving the world from nerds.
Anyway everything is back to normal here, with the addition of new toys for all. I'm loving my Rock Band World Tour. Jamie loves his wireless internet. Lydia loves her princess castle and Big Wheel. Juliet...well she's got a lot of new things to suck on. Surely those other toys were losing some of their flavor. Of course her favorite things to chew on are the things she's not supposed to...plastic bags, Lydia's princess castle, other babies, etc...
All in all, good holiday, but also good to be back to our normal routine of playgroups, YMCA, library, and saving the world from nerds.
Thursday, January 1
Fear, Itself
Well we started the new year with a bang, or more accurately, a bleche. Lydia vomited about 5 minutes after midnight. I was really really hoping that it was just because she ate some much junk food, but then she did it again around 3:30, and then Juliet kinda had an episode of spitting up/throwing up around 4:30. Needless to say, I didn't get any sleep. Lydia has not vomited today, but she has a fever and has been acting very lethargic.
A stomach virus.
My worst fear.
I know its totally irrational, but I have an insane fear of stomach bugs and throwing up. I will go to great lengths to avoid it. I'd rather break my arm than go through a bad stomach virus. The thing is, I know in my head that its not a big deal. 24 hours of feeling miserable, and then its over. Not serious. But I HATE it, and worry worry worry. So right now, I'm in this cloud of fear and anxiety that makes me feel sick even though I haven't caught it yet. Just knowing I was exposed horrifies me. And taking care of Lydia, well, I'm caught between the instinct to cuddle her and make her feel better and the revulsion of exposing myself more and more to those germs and sealing my own fate. It shames me to be this way. And the thing is, it probably wouldn't be NEARLY as bad if I didn't fear it so much. Jamie is not afraid of being sick, and when he gets sick he deals well with it. I twist my insides around just fearing getting sick, and then bask in self-pity and misery when I succumb.
The fear is my enemy. But I don't know how to defeat it. I wish it would just manifest itself as a tiny demon I could step on.
Anyway, Happy New Year to you!
A stomach virus.
My worst fear.
I know its totally irrational, but I have an insane fear of stomach bugs and throwing up. I will go to great lengths to avoid it. I'd rather break my arm than go through a bad stomach virus. The thing is, I know in my head that its not a big deal. 24 hours of feeling miserable, and then its over. Not serious. But I HATE it, and worry worry worry. So right now, I'm in this cloud of fear and anxiety that makes me feel sick even though I haven't caught it yet. Just knowing I was exposed horrifies me. And taking care of Lydia, well, I'm caught between the instinct to cuddle her and make her feel better and the revulsion of exposing myself more and more to those germs and sealing my own fate. It shames me to be this way. And the thing is, it probably wouldn't be NEARLY as bad if I didn't fear it so much. Jamie is not afraid of being sick, and when he gets sick he deals well with it. I twist my insides around just fearing getting sick, and then bask in self-pity and misery when I succumb.
The fear is my enemy. But I don't know how to defeat it. I wish it would just manifest itself as a tiny demon I could step on.
Anyway, Happy New Year to you!
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