Well we started the new year with a bang, or more accurately, a bleche. Lydia vomited about 5 minutes after midnight. I was really really hoping that it was just because she ate some much junk food, but then she did it again around 3:30, and then Juliet kinda had an episode of spitting up/throwing up around 4:30. Needless to say, I didn't get any sleep. Lydia has not vomited today, but she has a fever and has been acting very lethargic.
A stomach virus.
My worst fear.
I know its totally irrational, but I have an insane fear of stomach bugs and throwing up. I will go to great lengths to avoid it. I'd rather break my arm than go through a bad stomach virus. The thing is, I know in my head that its not a big deal. 24 hours of feeling miserable, and then its over. Not serious. But I HATE it, and worry worry worry. So right now, I'm in this cloud of fear and anxiety that makes me feel sick even though I haven't caught it yet. Just knowing I was exposed horrifies me. And taking care of Lydia, well, I'm caught between the instinct to cuddle her and make her feel better and the revulsion of exposing myself more and more to those germs and sealing my own fate. It shames me to be this way. And the thing is, it probably wouldn't be NEARLY as bad if I didn't fear it so much. Jamie is not afraid of being sick, and when he gets sick he deals well with it. I twist my insides around just fearing getting sick, and then bask in self-pity and misery when I succumb.
The fear is my enemy. But I don't know how to defeat it. I wish it would just manifest itself as a tiny demon I could step on.
Anyway, Happy New Year to you!
2 comments:
Oh, I am SO SORRY that your girls are not feeling well. I hope they are well soon, and that the Bug will pass you bye.
Let me know when you all are feeling better. We would love to get together and play or go to the aquarium.
i absolutley know how you feel. even if someone i remotely know gets sick, i avoid any possibility of an encounter with them. I wash my hands about 100 times a night at work, and if dom even mentions his stomach is upset i immediately stop eating so as to try and avoid throwing up very far in advance. jeremy just laughs and tells me i am way overreacting but i don't care. I HATE it.
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